You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of dust...this is what I sing as I sit here, ring-less. Discouraged. Guilty. A burden of a tear heavy in my right eye. I rub my left hand ring finger. It's so barren.
It's gone. My ring is actually gone. I couldn't believe my eyes. The ring I had only been wearing for a matter of weeks, that meant the world to me, something I would consider a prized possession, was lost.
Since my one post entitled,
Not Just Any Perfect Love Story, I've been working on creating my own love story. I've been trying to develop a love for my future husband now. I want a love story that's beautiful in which I can save myself a ton of heartache later. But that part, was exactly what I kept forgetting to say over and over to myself. I wasn't memorizing it, so when the devil would try something new, more sneaky, and I didn't immediately back myself up with anything, because I had nothing solid to grasp. There was so much I had written in that post, I couldn't pinpoint anything. In that small amount of time, he was slowly capturing me. It's so easy to get off track, to forget everything important such as already being taken.
The world tells you you're single. God tells you He's already matched you up with some amazing prince charming, and him with you. You're so valuable, that you've already been given the best. Your other half is exactly what you need to make you one. You were made to be compatible. You're a couple, already connected. And God will see that you find each other, in what we translate as a beginning of a beautiful love story. Don't fear prince charming not being what you wanted, what you expected. Truth is, no one knows you like God knows you. He made you to be and act who you are. Therefore, he knows what you need. And trust me, you will
not be disappointed.
Now the question is, how could I forget
all this??? Well, I return to the moment before Satan started tempting me to lose my focus. I couldn't think of anything fast enough. My guard was down and I didn't know it. It was like he unhitched my alarm system. Looking back now, I guess it was a slow process he used. Lazily, I slid aside what was really important; retaining and memorizing the most important phrase: Develop a love for your future husband now. In the way way back of my mind, I thought,
I already know this, I already know it all. I'm fine. I felt like it was already inside my heart. Nothing to worry about. I realize now that if I did bring that, oh-so-important phrase to heart, my "alarm" would of gone off.
This leaves me with the rest of the story.
I have two cousins that mean the world to me, and one gave me a very, precious, meaningful ring. It was plain, silver, and in Hebrew said, "I am my beloved's, and my beloved mine." It was beautiful. It held an incredible amount of symbolism, and with the ring, felt like I now could never go wrong. It melted my heart every time I looked at it. I wanted that ring to do so much for me. To keep me reliable. To be my 24/7 accountability partner. I counted on that ring to keep me straight. After all, it melted my heart easily. After awhile I naturally out of habit rubbed it with my other fingers, letting it's truth reverberate through me. It's value in my eyes was priceless. And still is.
So recently at a resort in Disney World, I was swimming in a long, river shaped pool. At one point, it almost fell off, probably due to me being cold and veins shrinking. So barely noticing, I just slid it farther on. In the shower later, I realized it was missing. And suddenly my heart fell to the floor.
This can't be happening. I
thought.
It has to be right here somewhere. It has to be. Please be right here... But it wasn't. Deep down, I knew that. Right away I started questioning God for what I was starting to figure out. I felt so...terrible. Unworthy of that ring, unworthy of Him. He took the ring away from me. I felt incredibly punished. I cried out to him silently, under my breath.
Why God? Why? I'm so sorry! Please have mercy! Please give it back! I've learned my lesson! I assure you! How couldn't I? Oh Please! Why God? Please!
The truth is, in the end, matter doesn't matter.
I learned that the very, sacrificing, painful way. That ring could do no more for me than it already it. It encircled my finger. It's like building hope on something that can't stand. Except I didn't want something I just couldn't see. I wanted something with mass. And the thing is, that ring was no more alive and real than what was in my heart, honestly. And I find shame in that. Frankly, I was shocked when I realized where my heart really was. I guess God's tests, ( that aren't even punishments, actually) really always do work out for good. And that's the perspective I need to set now.
That ring will never be able to hold my life together for me. I was desperate, and acknowledging that now, I realize why. All these truths were
on my heart, but not
in my heart. When I normally think of it being on my heart, its something I think about. But it being
in my heart, means its actually sunk in. That I actually
engage it and live it out.
I am a beautiful thing made out of dust. So are you. And were made to be healed and forgiven. If I'm so desperately sorry, I will pursue these truths more passionately. Be like a ruby. Rubies have their value in rarity. And just like for them, in the end, matter doesn't matter.
Beautiful Things is by Gungor
